Since the child care, daycare, and preschool industries were first established in the United States of America in the year 1854 (which is the year that the New York Day Nursery was established in New York City), child care experts have loved to regale parents and guardians with facts, figures, statistics, and stories about the value and the importance of proper child care for children.

The stories begin when the family drops off its children at the beginning of the day. “Did you know,” the child care experts begin, “that you are making an excellent decision to send your child to day care? It is absolutely vital to teach your children to put on their own clothes, to brush their own hair, and to otherwise become self sufficient so that they can become worthy adults in their own right. Here at this child care center, we will damn well make sure that your kids can master all of these important steps.”

The parents who are standing with the children at the front door of the child care center nod politely as they wonder why their child care expert used the word “damn” in front of their children. But the child care expert pays them no mind. “Did you know,” she continues, “that children who learn to become self sufficient in child care centers such as ours typically do much better at the game of life than children who do not learn these vital skills at a child care center? It is true! The evidence suggests that children who attend these special schools are more likely to earn a home, have a job, and to earn at least 5,000 dollars a year more than their counterparts who did not attend child care centers. Furthermore, these children are also far less likely to repeat grades, to need special education programs, or to get into trouble with the law. I am proud to report that none of the children who have attended our child care center has ever once smoked crack cocaine with a lady of the evening.”

At this point, the parents start to shift uncomfortably. These stories about crack cocaine and ladies of the evening have put them on edge, and they are starting to doubt their decision to send their children to this child care center. But the best is yet to come. “Did you know that children learn about five new words every day? It is important that they learn the right words. Here at our child care center, we ensure that the children learn the proper curse words which will help them to dominate the streets. Hey, wait, where are you going?”